Egos, bodies and an inability to cash cheques


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Dear Hollywood,

I enjoyed the 80's first time around. Please stop rehashing the same shit 'with a fresh twist' and selling it back to me 20 years later.

A cocky female pilot. Cocks. Cocks. Cocks.

It's easy, look here's the premise;

What can we think of that's the same but not the same so people think they're getting something different?! Lets make her a chick. Who's hot. And not that tall gay looking fella with a 'tash who hung around with that midget. There are still people in Aberdare who think Goose is the epitomy of fucking cool!

I bet Merika have to fight against a rogue eastern European state - GONE BAD! Armed with Nukes!

In fact NUKES, CHEESE and GARLIC it could be France -Yes that's it. France. Gone rogue! They're concoting a lethal dose of cheesey, garlic, nukes with hairy armpits and they're aimed at Merika!

Only the cocky female pilot can save the day, brainwashed by her excellent mentor L. Ron. Maverick at the 1337 Training School TOP GUNZ - Shit happens and only she can fire the shot to take down the mad French - with one shot (and not like Star Wars or Independence Day) she sticks it to 'em. Fuck. Yeah. Explosions. Bye Bye Frenchy.

And she will also have a range of wild, intense, serious, wacky, cool, whacked out, pimped out squad mates. To the Max! Each selected because they have special skills and not, repeat not, racial stereo types that todays audience crave/Hollywood impose. The black guy from the street who has tried so hard to be the best he can be to support his poor mum and little sister will definitely break into a dance or say the words 'Yo, dogs'; the nerdy chinese girl who is an ex-commie gone 'good' will almost certainly need to hack into the mainframe. In a bikini. And be hot. The intense, honky high school jock, there to rpove to his overbearing father that being a pilot (who is the best of the best) is bester that being a dentist, the cheerleader who is hot - oh my god the possibilities are endless!

I wonder if I could remake Red Dawn?

Now shut up and sit down, I'm trying to watch the trailer for Lethal Weapon 16, the new one where Detectives Riggs and Murtar embark on another action packed escapade (with hilarious consequences). Only they're not the Riggs and Murtar you know so well from Lethal Weapons 1 - 15 - this time they're chicks. Who are Hot. That's right the grand daughters of the original bad ass detectives are hitting the big screen this summer, Cagney Riggs and Lacey Murtar star in Lethal Weapon 16 - Leo Getz The Hump

Also look out for the hilarious new motion picture Back to The Future IV - can Doc get back to the 80s to save Marty McFly? With only Marty McFly's grandson to help him, will Doc get OUTATIME in time in this year's action packed escapade?

And of course the new Eddy Murphy film "I'm Eddy Murphy - Laugh Mother Fuckers"

30 years of wasted talent....

30 years.

You could have been in Hollywood producing blockbusters for 30 years, but instead you have been here working in the construction industry and pussying out of buying ridiculous cars.


I know! You should produce a film about your own life how by bucking authority and cutting corners you singlehandedly changed the blockbuster film industry.

30 years of wasted talent....

As long as the soundtrack to the movie of Scott's life includes plenty of Kenny Loggins tracks I'd watch it!

30 years of wasted talent....

You like Playing With the Boys do you?

Eggwan Boys,

Can you please not encourage scott in buying stupid cars by calling his non purchase, 'pussying out'. I call it keeping your testicles safe.

Ali ;0)

Testicle security...


If he was in a Nissan 350Z and you were in your Micra, his testicles couldn't be safer. You, or any other un-named would-be castrators would never catch him! LOL!

Unless Jez, James May or the bloke who was Driving Miss Daisy were driving. In which case you would.

Project Fat Man Fast Car


Project Fat Man Fast Car is nearing conclusion.

After much deliberation (one digestive biscuit, 2 beers and a coin toss) I am a Metric Cock Hair (1 MCH for future reference) from pressing the button on my Zed purchase.

Having driven it at lunch time today, I was still smiling at 5.30 - and burning from the adrenaline. Must have been something to do with 0 to License Losing Territory in 8 seconds up to the Coldra from Spitty.

Also had my first flirt with rear end danger by dusting a Focus RS. * I think that the sales dude enjoyed that bit as much as I did.

I have received Board Approval for the purchase, so as long as they assure me they'll refurb the wheels, I may well be the prud owner of a silver bullet by the weekend.

Fuck yeah.

* I know that's not big or clever**

** This might be a lie, I might think it's big and very clever and therefore I must have a huge weener

Project Fat Man Fast Car

You realise it's not just about buying but running it as well?

Tyres = Wrong side of £150 each for something without "DitchFinder [TM]" written on them. You could buy a set of Wakitakies for about £300 for 4 if you wanted to, at least then the money saved can be spent on your funeral. Michhy Pilot Primacys are £230 each!

Insurance = Group 20. I just got quoted and despite my IAM membership it was still over £800 with it parked in my garage overnight.

Average Fuel Consumption = 22mpg ON SUPER (Currently 128.9 at the Shell in Cwmbran!)

Car tax = £400 PA

Servicing = A little more complicated as a lot more things need to be considered on a car like this. It's also every 9k and if you dont have specialist or dealer history you just won't sell it when you finally decide to get rid

If your going to do it you might as well do it now and not when you have kids. Owning a fast car is something everyone needs to do at least once (I wonder when my turn will come?) I would love one especially as thet mod a treat ;) and I am very jealous as is probably everyone else. Just thought I would throw a bit of sanity in there for you before you pile money into it.

Project Fat Man Fast Car

They are all excellent and valid point me old matey.

And I have been through them all.

The car that I have looked at, despite being a high miler has a stack of receipts for work/maintenance previously done. Thankfully it's all up to date. The garage are bringing it back up to very good condition (removing all stone chips etc) and MOT'ing and servicing.

The running costs will be fine, it's an impractical car so I am prepare for the associated financial rimming.

But - the last service I had on the Audi was knocking on the door of £300 quid the next service due for the Zed is about £250 (P2, dealer supplied oil). And that's main dealer - haven't factored in getting it done at an independent or by the Commander.

The car has a nice new set of trainers - replaced 5 months ago so I would hope to get a while out of them yet. But I also have a source of Uber cheap tyres (2 Nr Pilot Sports, fitted and balanced for the price of a good night out?) It's done 5k miles on that new set.

As for fuel costs well they are what they are - I don't need to be running round the country anymore for work and as we are also the proud owners of a 1.0l white Micra for pootling round the city. Besides - think of all the Club Card points! I also wont be driving to work (all the time) as I will be working next to Newport train station - well that's the plan anyway!

I've spoken to a guy I know who owns one and he agrees that the fuel is painful but it doen't have to be filled with 99 RON (or is it 97 RON?) everytime - he's been running his on about a 50/50 mix of premium and regular without any adverse effects. Occassionally treating himself to a full tank of premium.

They're all points that have made me sit and think about it for a looong time, it's taken six months of planning to get this far. BUt the pint you made is apt - do it now before I have other commitments of the child persuasion - otherwise I wont do it at all!

Project Fat Man Fast Car

Ignore the Powell.

You need a Marangoni Zeta Linea on every corner (actually I don't think they do your size 225/45/R18 front, 245/45/R18 rear). Roughly £100 a corner fitted on Blackcircles for a mid range tyre though.

Insurance for me, parked on the street in Pontypool is £650 fully comp, legal cover, protected no claims and £0.00 voluntary excess with Direct Line. I can get it down to £450 without protection and with a £250 voluntary excess.

Fuel consumption, yeah ok. But it will never use more than that Capri I had with a 20 year old 2.8i V6 and a leaking fuel tank! LOL!

Car tax may yet be u-turned on for older cars (your 2004 350Z included). Golden Brown is teetering on the edge of losing his job, popularist policies here we come!

For reference, Evo's long term test may make interesting reading:

They paid £114 for a 10k service and £70 odd at 20k. That can't be right? It's less than my Fiesta costs!

Here's an independent specialist's cost breakdown with service intervals, look out at 60k! I assume the service cycle restarts at 60k. Not a clear chart that... and confusing since Parkers and everywhere else list the service interval as 9k as Martin said.

Anyway. Like Martin also said, you're only middle aged once! So do it while you can before Ali's biological alarm clock goes off and you have to start choosing nursery equipment.

I am loving this thread. More of this sort of thing please. Would we be better off with a forum than a news page?

Every 9k is correct and costs vary but there aren't any belts to change - it's chains so I think that helps keep the cost down - consumables are relatively cheap, but oil is the expensive part of the operation. Oh and a set of platinum plugs are about 80 pounds. Yikes!

I suspect Evo's service costs of being abnormally low, especially when compared to the stack of invoices I went through yesterday.

With regards to insurance, I have bashed through and consistently Kwik Fit are quoting me less that 500 quid for on street parking in Sploath and 2 years NCD, 250 quid excess.

I suspect it's borked. Still I can hope, that come November they will honour a similar quote.

I'd ignore Higgins. He just wants to borrow it.

Odd I can't get the quote below £796 especially as I have 8 years NCD. I have 3 points but I doubt thats it.

Project Fat Man Fast Car

Have you considered the Mazda 6 MPS?

Performance is nearly up there with the Zed, no one will know what it is and it's 4x4. YOu can pivke a fully loaded 55 plater with 30k on the clock for about £10k. Compare to the Zed it's cheap to run too and drives like a dream!

If I didn't do 40k a year this is what I would have.

Project Fat Man Fast Car

BTW, never take tyre advice from Toby. He fits £30 Wakitakis to 190bhp Saabs.

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